I took time off from work on Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday. The week before I had a chat with Liz, one of the managers from Toots, and we agreed to try to have another settling in period for Nora, where I will stay for an hour and play with her, but disappearing every few minutes.

On the Monday, we came in, and I sat her at the Busy Bee section (18months to 2 years) as there was where they have their breakfast. She was on the floor playing with a doll that Sophia (one of the babies) gave to me, so I went to put my coat up. Nora was fine. She just played and did not make a sound.

Then we went to the Baby Room. Nora had to make sure that I was about but she was happy to crawl away and play… but kept crawling back just to make sure that I didn’t leave.

But when I did leave, she was not happy at all. Every time when I went to pick her up, they kept telling me that there hasn’t been much improvement. She was still screaming the whole time I was absent. My heart sank every time I heard the report.

It didn’t help when the other manager, can’t remember her name and not really caring to find out, had a chat with me yesterday. She seemed rather cold and said that I should be realistic and start to look for alternative care, especially since I’m taking a few days off, so I should start calling first thing when I get home. Of course she is saying all of this and not trying to make me feel that she’s pushing us out. She also said that on 9 July, the whole nursery were going out for an outing and that if Nora keeps on screaming the way she does, it wouldn’t be good for anyone… she gave me the form for the outing but I was thinking ‘I don’t want to go if you’re going!’

It was a very upsetting day for me yesterday. We were walking down the street when there was this old lady who waved at Nora and Nora happily waved and smiled back to her. She commented about Nora’s lovely smile and how friendly she is… that’s when I started pouring my heart out to a total stranger… who was kind enough to listen and said that if she was in Tooting, she would love to look after Nora as she is such a lovely baby.

I almost burst into tears.

We went to a baby exploring centre near Figgs Marsh with Lina and Maya and again I poured my heart out to one of the staff there who got me information on childminders and was very helpfull and reassured me that everyting will be fine.

This morning, I woke up and did our morning ritual together. Going to the loo and letting her use the potty. Gave Nora her morning milk and then passed her to Jules so I could have a shower. Nora and I then watched Tikabila together while I fed her breakfast of banana and yoghurt. I changed her clothes and pass her back to Jules so I could get ready for work and gave her a kiss goodbye.

The whole morning I was upset and spent most of the time looking for childminders and putting ads up for a live-out nanny… and do work at the same time.

At around noon, my phone rang and I saw it was Toots. My heart just sank… until I heard Keisha’s news!

Nora found a friend… she’s called Ruby but she’s not there fulltime. Nora has been playing with her and she did not scream that much. She even had her lunch and pudding!!

I felt a huge weight was lifted of me… I can’t say how happy that news made me that I had to share it with everyone that I’m quite close to at work. Rebecca suggested that maybe I should pay Ruby to be at the nursery fulltime… I might be broke but Nora would be happy!

I really hope that this is not a one off thing and that Nora has in the end figured out that I will always come for her at the end of the day… or I might just do what Rebecca suggested!

Things I’d do to make my child happy…